hahaaaay

A big HAHAAAAY!!! Valentine's day na pod.

I couldn't remember when was the last time I went out on Valentine's Day with a sweetheart. Don't get me wrong. I always went out with a date. A prospect. But it never ended up into something serious. It seemed like a previous lifetime ago since I went out on a date with a girlfriend on Valentine's. This Tuesday is no difference at all. I would prefer staying at home rather than go out to malls and eat my entire heart out seeing all those lovers cuddling and chuckle-ing together. Hahaaaay na pod.

I've got 3 prospects this time. There's Ms. Sizzling, Ms. Js and Ms. La. I haven't met Ms. Sizzling yet but I already saw her via video conference (bless YM!) and became a regular chatmate. Ms. Js and Ms. La are both sexy and stunning. The question now is kinsa man gyud? After careful deliberation, I decided that it would be Ms. La I would be inviting for a Valentine's date. But, but, but kadumdom kos line ni Lany nga gikan pod kang Ella Rose (si masahista number 88), "Never, under any circumstances, touch it if you will not do anything about it."

I wouldn't deny the fact that men generally are afraid to face situations concerning emotions. A joke says, "Men are like mascara, they run out at the first sign of emotion." How very true indeed! I could no longer remember the last time I deliberated with myself whether or not I am ready. I was, and still am, afraid to know. There can only be 2 answers. But I guess, and people who have gone through these kind of things would agree, it's not as simple as having to answer yes or no.

I am afraid to know that I'm not yet ready. But then how the f*ck am I going to know if I'm ready or not if I'll never try and risk in the first place? I am afraid that if I'll go out with somebody, become serious with somebody, she might not be the person I'm looking for. I've been there once and it felt really, really bad breaking up with a girl and seeing her crying her heart out in front of you. I don't want that to happen again.

After giving out everything I have and failing at the end, I found it quite hard to settle. I became a coward. Counting all the worse that might happen even if I'm not there yet. I always love risks but this time around I am, to put it simply, afraid.