Wednesday, October 07, 2009

cheesy

If you haven't noticed it yet, there are 2 topics recurring in this blog: HUMOR and SEX. Humor is mostly based on self-humiliating experiences of any sort while sex nowadays is just a heart-wrenching, soul-ripping, energy-draining fantasy I created while singularly stimulting sexual gratification on my bed.

The least discussed topic, I dare say, is those that relate to emotional sentiments or generally, matters of the heart. These are things I specially reserve to the seclusion of my most intimate partner. That is why it's a big deal for me to publicly talk about cheesy things. However, there are times, the rarest of instances, that I do post cheesy blog entries.

Ylan, a blog friend as well as an ex-colleague and a good friend, reminded me of this blog post I have long forgotten. She emailed it to me and the first impression I have when I read it was "Who is this dork that wrote all this crap?". It turned out the dork was me. Tee-hee. I immediately scoured the blog site last evening. Lo and behold! I've written a single entry in it. Read it below. It exudes all mushiness in me. If my memory serves me well, this was the last mushy thing I've written in public, perchance the last one.

I wrote it 4 years ago around 8 in the evening at exactly the same date as today. Before proceeding, I urge you to make your vomit bag handy in case you want to puke due to excessive intake of mushy words.

This one is titled...

** begin cheesy post **

side effect.

Confused. That's what I am.

Love. That's what I'm confused of.

I tried searching. But deep down I cannot see.
Questions clinging my thoughts. Is my heart finally free? Am I ready?
Before I sleep and after I wake up, I ask this.

My heart won't give an answer. My brain's too dumb for this.

Bind me with your spell again.

Show me your smile.

I want to feel that warmth. That passion.

Let's fly away. To that familiar place.

Take me there once again.

Oh, Love! Take me. Take me away.

** end cheesy post **


Syet!! I've filled my first bag already.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

to yes or to no

This is a recap of a recent conversation I had with one of my project-mates in our office. Because of some technical jargons that you may not understand, I used apple and box as analogy to the discussion that happened.


me: Is there an apple in this box?

project-mate: What do you want to do with the apple?

me: I just wanted to know so I can give this box to Mr. Appleman if there's an apple in here.

project-mate: Why do you need to give that box to Mr. Appleman?

me: Look. I'm not going to evaluate how you put the apple in this box. I just want to know if there's an apple inside this box.

project-mate: Do you want an apple? I can give you an apple.

me: You have an apple in there? Why didn't you put it inside this box?

project-mate: Tell me why you need the apple.

me: It's for Mr. Appleman. I want to give this box to Mr. Appleman.

project-mate: I can give you an apple if you want it.

me: No. This box. We're talking about this box. Is there an apple in here?

project-mate: If you need an apple just tell me and I can give you an apple.

me: Liten to me. All I wanted to know is this box. Is there an apple in here?

project-mate: Tell me why you need an apple then I will give you an apple.

me: Are you saying there's no apple in this box?

project-mate: If you want an apple, it's here. I can give it to you.

me: You're saying I can't give this box to Mr. Appleman, right?

project-mate: You can say that.

me: That's all I wanted from you. It's really that simple.


I know what you're thinking. Goddamn uncle-fcuker crappy-minded piss-drinking dim-whitted shitwhore!!! It's a fcuking YES or NO question for fcuking out loud. Why does it have to be that fcuking complicated to answer? And besides, the world will not fcuking melt if you just fcuking say NO right away. In fact, it could have made things fcuking easier for both of us.

Situations like this made me think about that cool Mark XIX Desert Eagle semi-automatic and just shoot this annoying asshole point-blank between the eyes. It would've made things easier.

Hay! I miss the "great ED team" in my previous company.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

back

I'm back!!!!!!!!! Oh God how I miss this blog like a desert misses rain.

It's been ages since I last visited here. Within those period I fathered a child, went to prison for 5 days for public acts of lasciviousness, and took a couple of weeks vacation to Bora-Bora in the French Polynesia.

But you know me, I like to make lousy pun for a joke and am also a big liar. Don't believe a single word I said up to this point.

Although, I like you to believe that during the time I was away from blogosphere, I was in a secluded private resort lounging lazily under a tropical sun while receiving a soothing Balinese or Lomi Lomi massage by a brunette, and reading a good book with a glass of Mojito at the side. My only concern would come from choosing a vintage Bordeoux or a frisky Burgundy to pair with grilled lobster and filet mignon for dinner.

Of course, in a world like that financial meltdown doesn't exist, poverty is virtually unknown, and corporate slavery is totally unheard of. But it doesn't hurt to wish, right? After all, that is the only thing a poor country boy like me can do for free. Well, maybe aside from peeping on a girls' restroom.

The sad truth is I never went to a vacation save for the Chinese New Year week where our company declared a week-long shutdown. I brave going to Cebu despite a depleted bank account account due to my vacation in Hong Kong last December. After that my savings comes so close to extinction. But like everytime, I'll survive...... Oh syet!!! Now Gloria Gaynor won't stop singing in my head. "...Go on now go, Walk out the door, Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore..." Before I'll decide to get up and do a two-step, it's better I'll continue this writing.

Where was I?...... Oh yeah! Going back to Cebu. I was carrying a 20-kg bag, 2 hand carry bags and plastic bag with a toy in it. Except for the smaller hand carry bag that contains a pair of jeans and 3 pieces of shirt, everything else was for my family and friends. I was cursing while I push and shove the heavy bags from the apartment down to the street. I was cursing while I loaded them in the taxi. I was cursing all the way to the airport checkin counter, specially louder when the counter girl declared I have to pay for my excess baggage. Right there and then I decided never again would I carry so heavy luggages for other people.

The very same day I arrived in Cebu, I went to Mom's with all of my aunties and uncles surrounding me. Then I started to hand over the gifts. At that moment, all the pain and hassles during the trip melted away along with the smiles on their faces. Any sort of fatigue from carrying those bags were smoothed down by the heartfelt thank yous and kisses. I realized it was all worth it.

I would love to write more but my work is calling me like a bitchy nagger for a wife yelling at her drunk husband to go home or else... See you around.

Monday, January 12, 2009

tardy

WAAAAAAAZZZZZUP, mah hommies!!!!!

This could be the tardy-est greeting you'll ever get for this year but let me say it anyway. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! Well, the lunar new year is still two weeks around the block so it ain't really that bad. How do they say it in Chinese? Kung Hei Fat Choi? Or something that sounds like that. Whatever.

Anyway, I've been away from this blog for quite a long time because for almost a couple of weeks since I arrived from my 2-week vacation, I'm still mesmerized by the experience I had in Hong Kong. It was both exhilarating and emotional.

Exhilarating because it is my first time visiting the place.

Emotional not because I was way overwhelmed and almost into tears upon the very first time I stepped out from the train station in Mong Kok area to be greeted by a throng of people passing me here and there, and bumping me at times. The sea of people walking down the street is comparable to that of NY Times Square save those protesters on side streets that sometimes go nude. It's like that corner in Colon St. and Jones Ave. but with 10 times more people.

Emotional because of that person I met there and the things I thought I'd lost over time had never really gone away. Then there's that dreadful airport goodbye scene.

I'll keep you updated once I can spare more time and maybe post a few pictures. And oh, I'll be going back home end of this month so see you all suckers and motherfuckers out there.

Friday, December 05, 2008

friday

Today could be one of the best Fridays ever in my whole professional life. The director is on leave. My manager is on leave. My program manager is on leave. My senior engineer is on leave. Seems like the whole management team is on leave. I'll pray that they keep doing this on a regular basis. Say, once every couple of weeks. That will help increase work productivity, you know. It will ease down stress thus allowing workers to think more creatively and work more efficiently.

That said, I better drop off all this busy-with-work pretensions that I normally wear for the entire work week and start doing all the non-work related things I lined up. Download Naruto, post blog entry, download Ashlynn Brooke videos, go to restroom and sleep, download mp3s, call HP callcenter and flirt with call agents, lock self inside a conference room and conquer all kingdoms in War Diary mobile game and just say I'm waiting for an incoming call if someone asks what the hell I'm doing inside, go for one-hour coffee break, go to restrooms that haven't masturbated yet and jack off, and so many many more.

If only I have a fubu here in the office then I definitely would call this the best Friday ever. I wanted to act this scene that keeps on playing inside my head. Sweaty, naked and on top of the office heavy duty printer while oscillating at 2 thrusts per second.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

top

My laptop at work, which I used to type this, is soooooo fucking slow, man. After powering up first thing in the morning, I leave it here to complete its startup sequence, go for coffee and sandwich at the canteen, & after 15 minutes come back to see that it's still "Applying computer settings". I need to wait 30 minutes more before I'm able to login. Now logging in and going to my desktop is another hell of waiting game. If I count correctly - I can do a quickie, run on the treadmill for 8 minutes, take a shit and a shower, eat breakfast and maybe go to a grocery to buy milk and oats before I can use this magnificent piece of crap.

The first time I open my outlook for emails is like lining up in Philippine government offices. It would take you forever before you'll be entertained. But I'm more into this Zen thing now. No more screaming of "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" and brandishing both my middle fingers on the inanimate screen then smashing my optical mouse on the desk table. I just stay calm, look blankly at the monitor and think about the seashore and the cool summer breeze massaging my bare skin.

If I come to think of it, my laptop works exactly the same as me. It's so dumb during early morning and only gets 30% less dumber during the rest of the day. Maybe that's the reason I'm not complaining to IT yet - I see myself in it.

Now let me come to the juicier part. The reason really why I blog about my laptop is to show off my new desktop with its equally new 26" LCD TV monitor.


That's 2.66GHz quad-core CPU speed with 1,333Hz FSB speed. Oh yes, it's orgasmic. There's plenty of processor power to run a word processor and an image viewer at the same. And oh, did I mention it comes with wireless keyboard and mouse?


That's me after orgasm. As you can see I don't have a PC table yet. That will come this weekend if I can make my lazy ass strut its way to a furniture shop. During weekends, I'm so disinclined to do any kind of exertion even a single Newton force, except if it's something to do with a push and pull pattern that can ultimately end to discharging of male fluid while looking up at the ceiling and screaming the vowel 'a' or 'A' in a prolonged manner, depending on the audible quality of the room wall.

Ain't she a beauty? I'm almost into tears.


Jenna Jameson in full HD or Briana Banks in 1080p digital resolution. It's pure bliss.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

torture

Huhuhuhuhuhu... I'm like a molested cocksucker today. Pain is all over my body. I can't even walk straight. I was just jogging on the treadmill for 5 minutes straight last evening then rested for 30 minutes before cooling down for 15 minutes more. You can never imagine the agony I went through for 5 minutes on that equipment. I almost had a heart attack. Then this morning when I woke up I got this terrible bodily suffering and almost crawled my way to the bathroom.

You know why I let my lazy body go through all this physical torture?????............ Obviously you don't... Well, it's because of this friend I'm gonna meet next month. I'm getting all stressed out again. You, friend-that-I'm-gonna-meet-next-month, better say something nice when you see me. Don't ever, EVER forget to praise me of my bulging biceps, my nicely carved chest and my chiseled abs although they're all make-believe but just please say something pleasing to the ears, okay??? I'm fine with "Oh! What a toned body you have there!?!" or "Damn! You're packing muscles all over." It's the least you can offer me for all this hard work I'm doing for our rendezvous.

I stayed in the office until 11PM, you know, so I can use the gym room all by myself without having to deal with sharing equipments. Arrived home at around midnight to eat my second dinner then went to bed exhausted. That's pretty much how my boring days go on for the past 4 days and I no longer have time for kinky things. So sad. I did it all for you so it's quite justifiable to up the ante. Maybe I'll get a praise and a kiss from you, friend-that-I'm-gonna-meet-next-month??? I'm begging here, okay?????

Now, it's more of a mental torture thinking that I have to run 6 minutes, I repeat, 6 minutes on that machine after work. *Sigh* The things you do for some people.