no cake

My world used to revolve around you. My days began and ended with you. I woshipped you, loved you and gave you all I have. Sometimes I wondered if it was enough. Though I couldn't hug you when you're sad, know that I tried my best to comfort you with the warmest words. I couldn't wipe those tears away but at those moments, I cried with you. When it came to my time and priority, you had always been second to none. But I was not there.

Remember exactly a year ago? I knew I no longer hold your heart. I was doing all I could to win you back. It was futile but I kept on hoping. Remember the cake? The watch? The flowers? The chocolates? The pair of diamond/sapphire earrings? The ankle bracelet? The bath petals? It made me a bit poorer but I wished that somehow it made you a bit happier. I was really having fun picking those choices and thinking if you'd like it. I knew you do. But I was not there.

I tried to imagine how you looked like in your dress when you described it to me. I longed for so much to see you. To see how your eyes glitter and your body giggle when you're excited about something. To see how you stomp your feet when you don't like something. To see how frightened you become when a spider crawled near you. To see how you pout your lips when you want me to do something for you. Those were heaven to me. But sadly I was not there.

There's no cake for today. Just a wish that you'll find what you're looking for. Happy birthday.


*sigh* This is what lack of sleep does to me. It turned me into an emotional dirtbag.

sex, anyone?

We had been textmates since February after I met her in a chat room. For her protection, let me call her D. She's a grade school teacher from Leyte. We had been sending text messages for quite sometime until I got bored and decided not to reply to her anymore. Then last Friday, I tried Globe unlimited text for a day for only 15 pesos. I got no one to 'text' to at that time so I ran through my celphone's phone book and 'texted' all other chatters I met online ages ago. A handful of them replied including D. She hasn't forgotten me at all. My lucky stars might have been well aligned that day because she said that she's on her way to Cebu to drop her parents off at the pier. She also said that she'll be staying for a day at the city and asked me if I'd like to meet her. A big YES was my reply. She stayed at Pacific Tourist Inn at the back of Gaisano Metro-Colon so we decided to meet up inside Gaisano Metro, Saturday 7pm. She showed up but a big disappointment crossed my yearning. She's not what I expected her to be. It's all my fault. I never asked my textmates for their statistics or face description. I thought it would be an insult. But it hit me back right at my face. Darn!

She's a tall lady, about an inch or two taller than me. White fair skin, straightened curly/wavy hair, dressed up like a teenager but she's huge, which explained the excess fat hanging on her pants. She's got pimple holes on her face, I don't know what it's called dermatologically, and she looked like she made a wrong step and fell face down on a bag of cornstarch. She's in her late 30s, I guess, but her excessive make up made her look like in mid 40s. We're not in anyway compatible in body built. She's not my type.

I was hesitating if I'll come to her and introduce myself. My celphone kept on ringing. "Asa na ka?" "Sakit na akong tiil diri ug huwat nimo." "Unsa man magpakita pa ka?" I only replied "Sorry kaayo but I chickened out." I took a jeepney to Ayala. Another message came. "Unsa mana ang chicken out?". I almost burst out into laughter had it not been for the other passengers. They might think I'm crazy. "chicken out = mingtalaw". I know she'll be furious. "Unsa man ka laki or bayot? Makasabot ra ko kung bayot ka." "Ikaw lang ra ba ang reason nganong nagstay ko ug dugay diri." The last message made my heart sober but it's already too late to go back.

ad lib: I met Tisha in Ayala with some guy friend. They look so perfect for a couple.

I had my dinner alone at Ayala and made hundreds of apologies to her. I explained that it's my first time to meet someone and that my knees were literally shaking when I'm about to approach her. I was expecting the worse but she bought my bluff. She said that she's going to the pier for the 10pm boat to Leyte. I went home and realized that I was asking Macelle earlier that day if she's interested in watching a movie with me. She replied that she, Lany and Melany might be going to SM for a last full show. I was using my alternate SIM card and when I swapped my original SIM, messages from Macelle and Lany came in. I couldn't make it anymore for the 9:30 movie. Then I swapped back my alternate SIM. D 'texted' that she's not able to make it for the 10pm boat and was back at the pension house. She asked me one last time if I would be brave enough to meet her that night. I refused. A text message from another chatmate woke me up at around 2:30 in the morning. She was telling me about something and I just replied half awake. Until I finally dozed off.

As early as 7:30 in the morning, my phone rang. It was D. I answered in a very sleepy voice and then she explained to me, like a mother explaining something important to her child, that I don't have to be ashamed or afraid. All she wanted was to meet me. She's not going to harm me or anything. Then she asked me if I can come to the pension house. I said yes. She made sure that I'm fully conscious with my commitment. I couldn't contain my urges so at around 8, I dressed up and headed straight to Pacific Tourist Inn, room 303.

I knocked. "Abli na!", was the reply from the voice inside the room. The door was not locked. There she was in a nightie but still the same make up, and half covered with a blanket. The dark room helped a lot in improving her countenance. Then came the barrage of questions. I answered them as patiently as I could. Then I told her that I needed to take a shower. When I took my clothes off she remarked that I have a sexier body than hers. She asked for my waitsline measurement and I replied, "29". She said that hers is 32.

After the shower, I wore the extra black brief I brought along with me and dug myself inside the bed cover. She mechanically put her big legs around my stomach and fondled my crotch with her thick legs. The weight of her legs around me didn't feel erotic at all so I didn't go into "super bulge". After some dry conversation, she wrapped her arms around me. I felt like a house lizard hugged by a lamp post. Things heated up eventually. All I can say is that she's a good licker. And I'm a bit ticklish when it comes to body licking. If only she can be a little bit mobile. She even offered to lick my ass, which I promptly declined. But all those time, I kept my eyes closed. I was imagining it was Angelina Jolie I'm hugging. It helped a little.

After I took a second shower, got dressed and was about to leave, she asked me how much would I pay for the fare going back to where I came from. I answered around 150. She gave me 200 and I didn't refuse the offer. Then she made more cuddling and kissing with me. When I left the pension house, I felt like a gigolo having successfully served a client. It wasn't that bad after all compared Saturday last weekend, where I have to exhaust myself with 4 rounds of self-induced orgasm to satisfy my urges.

weekends and parties

No, I am not going into an emotional epoch nor into a social withdrawal, or any of that sort, considering my last blog. I was not posting much because I was busy. I was busy planning my life - job offer, residence transfer, new work, new friends, new life. But amidst all that I was busy partying during weekends. For 5 straight weekends I was out there in the night, with friends, bars, lights, beat, bodies colliding, sweat trickling and despite the "cold" (translated as 'rainy') weather, heat was rising everywhere.

5 weekends ago, it was Harry's birthday (Cleng's brother). We went at Cleng's for some food and liquor. For unexplained reason, Auxie got tipsy after we finished a bottle of vodka and gin. She was knocking things out and making fun of herself. I lay down at the couch and she leaned herself across my body. I was not sure if she was teasing me or if it was all out of drunkeness (although I pray it was the former hehe). She kept on telling me, like drunkards do, if I am harmless because she is harmful. She added that anyone who accompany her home must sleep beside her. I could feel my cock jumping out in joy. I wondered if she noticed it. Her back was leaning tight to my stomach. I jokingly replied that I am harmless and she needed not worry because I'm gay. She didn't buy my joke. At those moment, I noticed Anne sitting at the back, observing or more likely, chaperoning if anything kinky would turn up between Auxie and me. I thought to myself, "Don't get jealous, Anne. You'll have your share. And besides your husband's here". I wonder if it was just alcohol or I was really right about Anne. Anyway, nothing happened. Jaylyn wouldn't allow me to accompany Auxie home.

4 weekends ago, I was in a birthday party at Sto. Nino village. It was Jen's (Norman's older sister). There was only a videoke to keep us sane but most importantly there was Johnny Walker (and a black label, i may add). A liter passed by quickly and we thought that was it but then another liter came out. After that there was another one. Halfway through the 3rd bottle, all 5 of us - Norman, Cleng, Anne, Marie and me - decided to go to The Village to see if anything there will amuse us. I sensed intoxication in all 5 us - uncontrollable laughter, extraordinarily loud voices that sometimes turned into outbursts, uncomprehensible exchange of thoughts (which, miracurously, were comprehended by all of us), slurred speech, and, of course, English-speaking conversations. If only I could watch us in a better perspective and sober, I could hurt my stomach laughing. It was already 2 in the morning and we expected all bars to be closed. But The Courtyard, much to our surprise, would close at 4. For 2 hours straight, we were on the dancefloor jumping and shouting more than dancing. Then Anne came close to me and seducingly invited me for a one-on-one dance trip. I gladly accepted the challenge. There were brushing of lips, sly caressing of boobs, butt fondling and lots of hugging. If her husband saw us, I would be dead right there and then. We ended at 3:30 in the morning, argued for an hour if we were to eat burger or noodles or drink coffee and then, holding a beer in plastic cups, throw the contents of it all over us. Smelling beer and cigarette, we went home at around 5 in the morning, no burger or noddles or coffee to sober us down.

3 weekends ago, a Friday night, I found myself in The Courtyard, again. This time it's with Tisha and Mulay. After a cup of coffee at Starbucks, Ayala, we decided to heat up. For the 2nd weekend around, I saw Shosho in The Courtyard with some friends. It was at this moment when it occured to me that I was not as young and as aggressive dancer as I was 10 years ago. I couldn't keep up with Tisha grinding almost all the time. My knees started to waggle after a couple of hours of grinding. I missed my younger self when dancing all day felt like a walk in the park. Tisha was paired back and forth by Mulay and me (she did it with ease and grace) until Mulay met some girl who started to dirty dance with him. So Tisha was left with me. We did ballroom dancing or whatever it's called. I'm not into ballroom. Party ended at 4 in the morning. Hot chocolate at Bo's before heading home. On a Saturday night, I was expecting a long nice sleep but Marie, Cleng and Auxie came home at around 11 in the evening. They dragged me and Norman for a ride. We planned to dine at Formo, a hip new restobar at Banilad Town Center. But when we got there, we felt so underdressed. We're only wearing shorts and shirts while people there are in there party attire. We skipped Formo and headed to Yellow Cab. We went in the parking lot between The Village and NEC with pizza and beer. They planned to go to The Courtyard but I swear to them that I will not be going in there that night over my dead body. So we stayed in the parking lot until we consumed our pizza and beer. We dropped Cleng home and headed to Auxie's place. We decided to have a night in there. Since we were all sober, nothing kinky happened. On Sunday evening, we headed to USC-TC. It was USC founder's day and Anne got a ticket for us for a free dinner. There were mardigras, followed by dancing performances and then by pantomimes. It was already 9 and dinner hadn't been served yet. Damn SVDs. I was dressed up expecting to dine with former instructors and SVD priests. But packed meal was served. We were only given puso, pork barbecue and pansit. Inatay!

2 weekends ago, I thought I would never go disco dancing again. Well, maybe after a month rest. Tisha invited me for a boracay (hard liquor, condensed milk, coffee and probably chocolate powder - mixed and stirred) in her apartment. Brian and Jeffrey were also there and Charo, of course. Brian brought a guitar, which he expertly strung to some alternative music. At 10, Mulay invited us for another dance session at Pump (formerly Jukebox). I was about to say no but Tisha was quite excited about dancing. So I gave my approval. Charo went along. Brian and Jeffrey had to go home. Not much has changed in the interior of Pump, except for the podium, which used to stage local bands, that is now part of the dance floor. Mulay was with some lady friends. Tisha, Charo and me were going wild on the dancefloor. Tisha was all out when it comes to dancing. It was Charo that I still need some coaxing. Maybe if we had consumed a gallon of beer that wouldn't be much of a problem. It was a big responsibility on my part to dirty dance with 2 ladies. I did all I can so that no one would be left out or feel left out. At the same time, I was doing all I can not to be tempted with my urges. I cannot deny the fact that I'm dancing between these ladies. The idea turned me on. However, knowing another fact that they are my friends and a close one for that matter, turned, whatever kinky idea I have, off. We simply needed more alcohol and perhaps some candy. hehehehe. I dubbed Tisha, The Grind Queen, at that night. Though I still need to tell her that. We ended at around 3 in the morning.

Last weekend, we went to Kahayag to chill out with some underground local bands, thank heavens. And what do you know, it was Tisha, Mulay and me, again. I say we were spending weekends prodigally until Tisha goes out of the country for good. Not much happened that night. Went home at around 2am.