rainy season

"Uyab na mi pero dili pa official." Then it rained until it poured. I closed my eyes, grabbed my blanket and hoped sleep will come to me soon but my mind wandered into an abyss. Memories are more haunting as I expect them to be. Then suddenly all songs sounded lamenting even Nirvana. (But if Slipknot or Mudvayne started to sound sad, I better pack up, go and check myself in a psychiatric ward.)

Yes, it hurt terribly but I was getting used to it for the past couple of years. I'm not furious nor am I disappointed. I never planned to retaliate as what most people would do (I presume). I'm sad - no more, no less. I welcomed it when it came knocking on my door. And so shall I let go of it when it wanted to depart. It has never been mine anyway.

It is hard framing a smile on my face when all I want is to be left alone and be miserable. Harder still is that people expect me to act as the usual bastard that I am but never a miserable one, and can't be taken seriously once I started to feel and act as one.

It has been a week now and I survived. My guess is I will survive this for the next few weeks and then for the next few months. Until it will hurt no more.

P.S.
Never in my history of existence did a girl dumped me. (Except Rubylyn, the courtship was as pretentious as GMA's public apology.) It has always been the other way around. I don't know if this one counts. It probably wouldn't. Nobody can dump you if there has never been You all along.