letter of repentance

Dear Lady Luck,

I am writing to ask your forgiveness.

Never again will I desecrate your name or put it in the same context with revenge, violence and gore with a flare of repugnance like sticky phlegm-filled yellowish spit. I am so sorry to have offended you. It is not in my pure intent to do so.

Please spare me your retribution. Do not make my toothbrush come to life again, slip out of my hand then do a reverse one and a half somersaults with three twists dive straight to the toilet bowl. I just bought that 6 days ago and I can't afford to change toothbrush every week or I'll go bankrupt. And also, do not make my contact lens storage container do the same diving somersault to the toilet bowl. They are supposed to remain dirt-free so I can store my contact lens without contamination.

I hope you're satisfied to know that I was so freaked out when the whole event happened one after the other. It freaked me out even more that I have to fish them out of the yellowish-brown toilet bowl using my bare hands.

To affirm my resolution, I promise to delete all porn-related materials on my hard disk specially those of dogs and horses doing blonde chiks, and cute brunettes eating fresh feces. But I will keep those of Angelina Jolie's and Brad Pitt's if that's okay with you. I will personally find you a virgin - I have lots of premium membership on adult friend finders - and offer her carcass on your altar to appease your anger.

Forgive your lowly servant.

splat