questions

When I'm not sitting my brown ass in front of the computer monitor watching barely legal videos illegally streamed over the net, or when going around the city looking for someone to screw for free, or calling random numbers over the phone and offering erotic or sensual massage service for 50 pesos is becoming boring, I would be alone in my room sitting on the floor in a lotus position and helping mankind answer the most difficult of questions. This is deep.

More than 500 years in the modern era and we have already sorted some of those questions pondered a lot by ancient nerds under an olive tree. Questions like

Why is the sky blue?

Where does love come from?

Why does the sea look light blue-green when shallow and dark blue when deep?

Is Michael Jackson really white?

What is energy? Does Mariah Carey discover it with her album in 2007?

However as we progress through we've been picking up a few questions along the way. Then a lot of great thinkers in our time would have something to think about during their coffee break or when they're alone in their room sitting on the floor in a lotus position and staring intently on the computer monitor while the Best of Jenna Jameson and Asia Carrera is played full screen. Questions like

Who can map the behavioral pattern of the female human being?

Who made the rules to use passive voice and past participle when writing a test report?

Why does Hugh Hefner, at 82 years old, have 3 girlfriends? (Or was it 2 after Holly Madison left?)

Why do we need sleep?

Why does Incredible Hulk's pants remain fitted around his waist when he shrink from hulk-size to ordinary man-size? And for curiosity's sake, how big is he packing down there when he's in hulk-size? (NEWS FLASH: Captain America has a cameo appearance in the Hulk DVD. Watch out for it.)

Why do some people have no idea they smell bad, like I-rather-kill-myself-than-smell-your-armpit-for-10-minutes bad?

What would Britney Spears do next?

And the age-old question. Was it the chicken or the egg?

Listen to me people, we have a lot of serious things to think about here than plummeting stocks, rising unemployment rate and the possibility of losing jobs.

Now, you have to excuse me for a minute. I need to wipe my face from excessive nose bleeding. You just go ahead and contemplate it for a while, okay? And maybe you need to do that lotus position thing.