no cake

My world used to revolve around you. My days began and ended with you. I woshipped you, loved you and gave you all I have. Sometimes I wondered if it was enough. Though I couldn't hug you when you're sad, know that I tried my best to comfort you with the warmest words. I couldn't wipe those tears away but at those moments, I cried with you. When it came to my time and priority, you had always been second to none. But I was not there.

Remember exactly a year ago? I knew I no longer hold your heart. I was doing all I could to win you back. It was futile but I kept on hoping. Remember the cake? The watch? The flowers? The chocolates? The pair of diamond/sapphire earrings? The ankle bracelet? The bath petals? It made me a bit poorer but I wished that somehow it made you a bit happier. I was really having fun picking those choices and thinking if you'd like it. I knew you do. But I was not there.

I tried to imagine how you looked like in your dress when you described it to me. I longed for so much to see you. To see how your eyes glitter and your body giggle when you're excited about something. To see how you stomp your feet when you don't like something. To see how frightened you become when a spider crawled near you. To see how you pout your lips when you want me to do something for you. Those were heaven to me. But sadly I was not there.

There's no cake for today. Just a wish that you'll find what you're looking for. Happy birthday.


*sigh* This is what lack of sleep does to me. It turned me into an emotional dirtbag.

sex, anyone?

We had been textmates since February after I met her in a chat room. For her protection, let me call her D. She's a grade school teacher from Leyte. We had been sending text messages for quite sometime until I got bored and decided not to reply to her anymore. Then last Friday, I tried Globe unlimited text for a day for only 15 pesos. I got no one to 'text' to at that time so I ran through my celphone's phone book and 'texted' all other chatters I met online ages ago. A handful of them replied including D. She hasn't forgotten me at all. My lucky stars might have been well aligned that day because she said that she's on her way to Cebu to drop her parents off at the pier. She also said that she'll be staying for a day at the city and asked me if I'd like to meet her. A big YES was my reply. She stayed at Pacific Tourist Inn at the back of Gaisano Metro-Colon so we decided to meet up inside Gaisano Metro, Saturday 7pm. She showed up but a big disappointment crossed my yearning. She's not what I expected her to be. It's all my fault. I never asked my textmates for their statistics or face description. I thought it would be an insult. But it hit me back right at my face. Darn!

She's a tall lady, about an inch or two taller than me. White fair skin, straightened curly/wavy hair, dressed up like a teenager but she's huge, which explained the excess fat hanging on her pants. She's got pimple holes on her face, I don't know what it's called dermatologically, and she looked like she made a wrong step and fell face down on a bag of cornstarch. She's in her late 30s, I guess, but her excessive make up made her look like in mid 40s. We're not in anyway compatible in body built. She's not my type.

I was hesitating if I'll come to her and introduce myself. My celphone kept on ringing. "Asa na ka?" "Sakit na akong tiil diri ug huwat nimo." "Unsa man magpakita pa ka?" I only replied "Sorry kaayo but I chickened out." I took a jeepney to Ayala. Another message came. "Unsa mana ang chicken out?". I almost burst out into laughter had it not been for the other passengers. They might think I'm crazy. "chicken out = mingtalaw". I know she'll be furious. "Unsa man ka laki or bayot? Makasabot ra ko kung bayot ka." "Ikaw lang ra ba ang reason nganong nagstay ko ug dugay diri." The last message made my heart sober but it's already too late to go back.

ad lib: I met Tisha in Ayala with some guy friend. They look so perfect for a couple.

I had my dinner alone at Ayala and made hundreds of apologies to her. I explained that it's my first time to meet someone and that my knees were literally shaking when I'm about to approach her. I was expecting the worse but she bought my bluff. She said that she's going to the pier for the 10pm boat to Leyte. I went home and realized that I was asking Macelle earlier that day if she's interested in watching a movie with me. She replied that she, Lany and Melany might be going to SM for a last full show. I was using my alternate SIM card and when I swapped my original SIM, messages from Macelle and Lany came in. I couldn't make it anymore for the 9:30 movie. Then I swapped back my alternate SIM. D 'texted' that she's not able to make it for the 10pm boat and was back at the pension house. She asked me one last time if I would be brave enough to meet her that night. I refused. A text message from another chatmate woke me up at around 2:30 in the morning. She was telling me about something and I just replied half awake. Until I finally dozed off.

As early as 7:30 in the morning, my phone rang. It was D. I answered in a very sleepy voice and then she explained to me, like a mother explaining something important to her child, that I don't have to be ashamed or afraid. All she wanted was to meet me. She's not going to harm me or anything. Then she asked me if I can come to the pension house. I said yes. She made sure that I'm fully conscious with my commitment. I couldn't contain my urges so at around 8, I dressed up and headed straight to Pacific Tourist Inn, room 303.

I knocked. "Abli na!", was the reply from the voice inside the room. The door was not locked. There she was in a nightie but still the same make up, and half covered with a blanket. The dark room helped a lot in improving her countenance. Then came the barrage of questions. I answered them as patiently as I could. Then I told her that I needed to take a shower. When I took my clothes off she remarked that I have a sexier body than hers. She asked for my waitsline measurement and I replied, "29". She said that hers is 32.

After the shower, I wore the extra black brief I brought along with me and dug myself inside the bed cover. She mechanically put her big legs around my stomach and fondled my crotch with her thick legs. The weight of her legs around me didn't feel erotic at all so I didn't go into "super bulge". After some dry conversation, she wrapped her arms around me. I felt like a house lizard hugged by a lamp post. Things heated up eventually. All I can say is that she's a good licker. And I'm a bit ticklish when it comes to body licking. If only she can be a little bit mobile. She even offered to lick my ass, which I promptly declined. But all those time, I kept my eyes closed. I was imagining it was Angelina Jolie I'm hugging. It helped a little.

After I took a second shower, got dressed and was about to leave, she asked me how much would I pay for the fare going back to where I came from. I answered around 150. She gave me 200 and I didn't refuse the offer. Then she made more cuddling and kissing with me. When I left the pension house, I felt like a gigolo having successfully served a client. It wasn't that bad after all compared Saturday last weekend, where I have to exhaust myself with 4 rounds of self-induced orgasm to satisfy my urges.

weekends and parties

No, I am not going into an emotional epoch nor into a social withdrawal, or any of that sort, considering my last blog. I was not posting much because I was busy. I was busy planning my life - job offer, residence transfer, new work, new friends, new life. But amidst all that I was busy partying during weekends. For 5 straight weekends I was out there in the night, with friends, bars, lights, beat, bodies colliding, sweat trickling and despite the "cold" (translated as 'rainy') weather, heat was rising everywhere.

5 weekends ago, it was Harry's birthday (Cleng's brother). We went at Cleng's for some food and liquor. For unexplained reason, Auxie got tipsy after we finished a bottle of vodka and gin. She was knocking things out and making fun of herself. I lay down at the couch and she leaned herself across my body. I was not sure if she was teasing me or if it was all out of drunkeness (although I pray it was the former hehe). She kept on telling me, like drunkards do, if I am harmless because she is harmful. She added that anyone who accompany her home must sleep beside her. I could feel my cock jumping out in joy. I wondered if she noticed it. Her back was leaning tight to my stomach. I jokingly replied that I am harmless and she needed not worry because I'm gay. She didn't buy my joke. At those moment, I noticed Anne sitting at the back, observing or more likely, chaperoning if anything kinky would turn up between Auxie and me. I thought to myself, "Don't get jealous, Anne. You'll have your share. And besides your husband's here". I wonder if it was just alcohol or I was really right about Anne. Anyway, nothing happened. Jaylyn wouldn't allow me to accompany Auxie home.

4 weekends ago, I was in a birthday party at Sto. Nino village. It was Jen's (Norman's older sister). There was only a videoke to keep us sane but most importantly there was Johnny Walker (and a black label, i may add). A liter passed by quickly and we thought that was it but then another liter came out. After that there was another one. Halfway through the 3rd bottle, all 5 of us - Norman, Cleng, Anne, Marie and me - decided to go to The Village to see if anything there will amuse us. I sensed intoxication in all 5 us - uncontrollable laughter, extraordinarily loud voices that sometimes turned into outbursts, uncomprehensible exchange of thoughts (which, miracurously, were comprehended by all of us), slurred speech, and, of course, English-speaking conversations. If only I could watch us in a better perspective and sober, I could hurt my stomach laughing. It was already 2 in the morning and we expected all bars to be closed. But The Courtyard, much to our surprise, would close at 4. For 2 hours straight, we were on the dancefloor jumping and shouting more than dancing. Then Anne came close to me and seducingly invited me for a one-on-one dance trip. I gladly accepted the challenge. There were brushing of lips, sly caressing of boobs, butt fondling and lots of hugging. If her husband saw us, I would be dead right there and then. We ended at 3:30 in the morning, argued for an hour if we were to eat burger or noodles or drink coffee and then, holding a beer in plastic cups, throw the contents of it all over us. Smelling beer and cigarette, we went home at around 5 in the morning, no burger or noddles or coffee to sober us down.

3 weekends ago, a Friday night, I found myself in The Courtyard, again. This time it's with Tisha and Mulay. After a cup of coffee at Starbucks, Ayala, we decided to heat up. For the 2nd weekend around, I saw Shosho in The Courtyard with some friends. It was at this moment when it occured to me that I was not as young and as aggressive dancer as I was 10 years ago. I couldn't keep up with Tisha grinding almost all the time. My knees started to waggle after a couple of hours of grinding. I missed my younger self when dancing all day felt like a walk in the park. Tisha was paired back and forth by Mulay and me (she did it with ease and grace) until Mulay met some girl who started to dirty dance with him. So Tisha was left with me. We did ballroom dancing or whatever it's called. I'm not into ballroom. Party ended at 4 in the morning. Hot chocolate at Bo's before heading home. On a Saturday night, I was expecting a long nice sleep but Marie, Cleng and Auxie came home at around 11 in the evening. They dragged me and Norman for a ride. We planned to dine at Formo, a hip new restobar at Banilad Town Center. But when we got there, we felt so underdressed. We're only wearing shorts and shirts while people there are in there party attire. We skipped Formo and headed to Yellow Cab. We went in the parking lot between The Village and NEC with pizza and beer. They planned to go to The Courtyard but I swear to them that I will not be going in there that night over my dead body. So we stayed in the parking lot until we consumed our pizza and beer. We dropped Cleng home and headed to Auxie's place. We decided to have a night in there. Since we were all sober, nothing kinky happened. On Sunday evening, we headed to USC-TC. It was USC founder's day and Anne got a ticket for us for a free dinner. There were mardigras, followed by dancing performances and then by pantomimes. It was already 9 and dinner hadn't been served yet. Damn SVDs. I was dressed up expecting to dine with former instructors and SVD priests. But packed meal was served. We were only given puso, pork barbecue and pansit. Inatay!

2 weekends ago, I thought I would never go disco dancing again. Well, maybe after a month rest. Tisha invited me for a boracay (hard liquor, condensed milk, coffee and probably chocolate powder - mixed and stirred) in her apartment. Brian and Jeffrey were also there and Charo, of course. Brian brought a guitar, which he expertly strung to some alternative music. At 10, Mulay invited us for another dance session at Pump (formerly Jukebox). I was about to say no but Tisha was quite excited about dancing. So I gave my approval. Charo went along. Brian and Jeffrey had to go home. Not much has changed in the interior of Pump, except for the podium, which used to stage local bands, that is now part of the dance floor. Mulay was with some lady friends. Tisha, Charo and me were going wild on the dancefloor. Tisha was all out when it comes to dancing. It was Charo that I still need some coaxing. Maybe if we had consumed a gallon of beer that wouldn't be much of a problem. It was a big responsibility on my part to dirty dance with 2 ladies. I did all I can so that no one would be left out or feel left out. At the same time, I was doing all I can not to be tempted with my urges. I cannot deny the fact that I'm dancing between these ladies. The idea turned me on. However, knowing another fact that they are my friends and a close one for that matter, turned, whatever kinky idea I have, off. We simply needed more alcohol and perhaps some candy. hehehehe. I dubbed Tisha, The Grind Queen, at that night. Though I still need to tell her that. We ended at around 3 in the morning.

Last weekend, we went to Kahayag to chill out with some underground local bands, thank heavens. And what do you know, it was Tisha, Mulay and me, again. I say we were spending weekends prodigally until Tisha goes out of the country for good. Not much happened that night. Went home at around 2am.

rainy season

"Uyab na mi pero dili pa official." Then it rained until it poured. I closed my eyes, grabbed my blanket and hoped sleep will come to me soon but my mind wandered into an abyss. Memories are more haunting as I expect them to be. Then suddenly all songs sounded lamenting even Nirvana. (But if Slipknot or Mudvayne started to sound sad, I better pack up, go and check myself in a psychiatric ward.)

Yes, it hurt terribly but I was getting used to it for the past couple of years. I'm not furious nor am I disappointed. I never planned to retaliate as what most people would do (I presume). I'm sad - no more, no less. I welcomed it when it came knocking on my door. And so shall I let go of it when it wanted to depart. It has never been mine anyway.

It is hard framing a smile on my face when all I want is to be left alone and be miserable. Harder still is that people expect me to act as the usual bastard that I am but never a miserable one, and can't be taken seriously once I started to feel and act as one.

It has been a week now and I survived. My guess is I will survive this for the next few weeks and then for the next few months. Until it will hurt no more.

P.S.
Never in my history of existence did a girl dumped me. (Except Rubylyn, the courtship was as pretentious as GMA's public apology.) It has always been the other way around. I don't know if this one counts. It probably wouldn't. Nobody can dump you if there has never been You all along.

no shit!

I am feeling shitty today, figuratively and literally. 4 consecutive days of pigging out has now started to claim its prize. The Camotes adventure last Saturday and Sunday - where all 7 of us have to eat the food for 12 people. Fabs and Elline's wedding last Monday - where the food just overflows. Then yesterday was my nephew's birthday. I'm surely going to hell with all those foods I overly consumed - but with gusto, of course.

I woke up at around 1:30am today and sprinted my way to the bathroom. Here goes my punishment. Yes, it was a watery loosened bowel. Doesn't the English dictionary have a single term for this? Diarrhea sounds too professional. Something like "igit" in Bisaya. I'll just call it whit, short for wet shit. (No offense to Webster, Oxford and Miriam. This is my blog and there's nothing you can do about it.) I was about to go out of the bathroom but before I can reach the door handle, I can feel the gush of whit urging for an immediate release. I was frantically taking off my shorts and briefs. Before my buns can reach the rim of the bowl, there goes whit streaming like water in a fireman's hose. When I went back to bed, I have a bad feeling I will repeat this performance in a short while. Indeed, I woke up at around 4:30am and did the same thing.

It was around 8:30am, when I finished taking my bath. I'm planning to be here in the office on or before 9:00am. I left the room at around 8:45am, opened the front gate and took about 5 steps when I felt like farting. But it wasn't just a fart. Yes, it was whit! I started to sweat and headed back to my room. I can feel that it went all the way to my briefs. I was trying to be very careful on my walking because I don't want it to ever touch my trousers (Heaven, forbid!). So I looked like a zoombie walking without bending my knee and I still have to climb a few steps. I took off my pants and briefs when I went inside my room and confirmed my hypothesis. If it hadn't been one of my favorite briefs, I would've thrown it away. So, in the corner of my room lays a "soiled" pair of briefs. (I need to wash it this evening.)

Right now, I'm so exhausted and still praying it won't ever happen inside the office.

a stag party, camotes and a wedding

4 days went by and I felt like a whole month passed through me. A lot of things happened. Let me recount it as best as I can. Last Friday evening was Fabs' stag party. Saturday early morning, I was riding a pump boat going to Camotes (at last!). Monday afternoon was Fabs and Elline's wedding.

The stag party last Friday was, well, nice. It would've been superb if the 3 attractive hookers contacted earlier by the organizers were pre-informed that they will be lap-pet-fondle dancing the groom. Damn that money-hungry pimp who did not mention anything about what his girls should do. 11pm and nothing happened. Everybody started to get agitated. The girls were confronted. But they only said they don't like dancing. They're only there for the fucking. "Kayat ra man amo. Dili mi anang sayaw-sayaw." People got frustrated. They won't agree if all 15 of us fuck them one by one. It would be unfair if only 3 of us fuck them. Damn. I paid 400 pesos for the show. The girls are paid 5,000 pesos. I felt wasted for that one girl who has this really nice pair of boobs and round body. Yum. Yum. I get a boner imagining her and me in that bed all night long. Whew!

They were sent back to the casa. Fortunately, we got a refund of 3,500 pesos. They went straight to Little Mermaid to pick Yan, the dancer at Roy's stag party, and another dancer. It was 2am when the dancers arrived at the motel. The show immeidately started. The 2nd dancer was good. She surely knew how to do her thing. Although most of the dancing happened on Fabs' lap, groin, face and *toot*, she made a round to each and everyone of us. She's a hot girl, I tell you. When she came to me on the bed, I swear I could fuck her right there and then. I was so goddamn horny. I haven't relieved myself for quite some time. But she immediately let go of my grasp when I started to grope her breast. I was thinking of telling her that I am willing to pay extra charges but the other guys were anxiously waiting for their turn. So I let her go. *sigh*

At 3am, I went home. I had a scheduled trip to Camotes at 6 in the morning. I needed to pack and help Norman carry the tent and the speakers. There were supposed to be 12 of us but only 7 made it. 3 guys and 4 ladies - 2 are maried :'(

The weather wasn' that cooperative. I was constantly interrupted with my much needed sleep by the sea waves splashing to my face. We arrived at Mangudlong Beach Resort at 9am and by that time the sun started to shine. The place is really nice. The whole afternoon passed and all we could do was dance, booze and swim with a whole lot of laughing. People started to get crazy.

One of the married ladies was Anne. She's not really my type but I could sense she liked me. While dancing we did a little smacking here and there.

After dinner, boozing continued inside the room. We were halfway on our 2nd liter of vodka and the ladies started to strip dance. (Not all the way though. Only the tops came out, excluding the bra. Darn!) I was about to go inside the rest room to pee when the 2 single ladies followed me. I was drunk and before I could restrain myself (1 of those ladies is a very close friend), I got a candy and told them that we're going to pass it among the 3 of us without the use of our hands. (It's actually a little trick I used to play with my ex-girlfriend and her friend to engage in a threesome, and even a foursome during the second time!) It's sort of kissing them with "indirect" intention. Due to heavy alcohol intake, they played along. But they're not drunk enough to go all the way.

I have no idea what time we went to bed. Marie was showing her tantrums. We had to ease her because the occupants in the other room were comlaining. I slept beside Anne. We covered ourselves with a blanket so others won't see us smacking and french kissing and doing all those things. I'm too drunk to remember what actually happened. Maybe I fell asleep while all those tongue-fighting and saliva-swapping going on. I remember that cruel horoscope that says Virgo people sleep while fucking.

I was being a glutton yesterday in Fabs and Elline's brithday..., err wedding, I mean (I hate stupid keyboards.). And still the food was overflowing. I could no longer take one single food, not even water. My stomach felt like it's going to blow anytime. I should tell this to a priest.

java games

For reasons beyond my comprehension, I was playing a java game on my cellphone (Ancient Empire by MacroMedia) like it would be my last. I slept at around 4am this morning. I really don't know what came into me. This game has been in my cellphone for almost a year now and I have played it a dozen times already. But yesterday the game was just so overpoweringly irresistible. It's like being hypnotized by Enchantress (Asgardian creature i.e. Thor, Loki, Odin) and made to forget everything. Or to put it simply, it's like being invited to have sex with Angelina Jolie.

A day before yesterday, I ended up sleeping at around 2am because of Q*Bert, a Java game (again) from my Tiya's SE T610 cellphone.

It must be the cold weather that turned me into "this". I need to get laid this week.

the quest for camotes

I was supposed to be basking under the Camotes sun (if there would be any) last weekend with 3 of my friends. Sadly, an unexpected appointment got through my schedule on that same day and there's no way of cancelling it, let alone postponing it. We were all packed up with our bags and a strong urge to go somewhere and unwind.

It was around 2 in the afternoon when we scheduled a Bohol trip via Tubigon. Undecided as we always are, we couldn't picture out the best place to visit and it would be quite late when we arrive there. For these reasons, Bohol trip was cancelled. Moalboal popped out of our mouth. But none of us got personal transport. We called Mar and Janice if they can join us (Both of them have their own transport). But none can make it. Moalboal was cancelled. On a table in SM foodcourt, we swore to go to Mountain View Resort in Lahug by hook or by crook and let no man interfere with that.

It was raining but we did not let it stop us. The jeepney we rode going up the mountain stopped at the foot of Mountain View. We had to trail the steep road going up. With the heavy bag, I felt rolling my way back down. But we made it. There were only 3 of us but it was fun. Gin, tong-its, videoke and cigarette were enough to make us deranged and enjoy the rest of the night. There were some hot chiks I stumbled during the videoke session but I was too drunk to remember their names or even ask for their numbers. Darn! I missed screwing hot chiks during night outs. *sigh* Those were the days.

One thing I really liked in Mountain View is the refreshing view when I woke up in the morning. It's a perfect place to laze around and relax. My weekend was made.

van-for-hire

I was in a van-for-hire going to Bogo last Saturday afternoon. Ecstatic. That best describes my emotion at that time considering the fact that I never visited there for the last 4 months. My 2-year old nephew, Tapol, was jumping with joy when he saw... uhmmm... That's not really my story here.

When riding in a crowded vehicle, there are 3 things that totally piss me off.
1) Sitting next to a bulk of fat or a big chunk of muscles or a combination.
2) Sitting next to a malodorous body i.e. smelly armpit, rotten feet, stinky breath, etc.
3) Sitting next to a dozed off boozer.

While I was in the van, Lady Luck must've scorned me so much because I happen to be seated at the rightmost and beside me was a man who is all 3 of those I mentioned above. Well, almost. He's bulky, wearing a strong perfume (it's as potent as a pungent vagina!) and sleeping soundly. Thank heavens, he's not drunk.

What triggered my dilemma was that he was literally putting his weight on me while dozing off. I felt like a fly squatted against a brick wall with a slipper. He would sometimes bend his head sideward in such a way that it was resting on my shoulder. Poor me. I'm just a mere 5'4", 125-pounder with a small build.

I was hoping he would be tag then I wouldn't mind the weight at all even if he started to climb on top of me. teehehehe... I constantly shrugged my shoulder to wake him up. And in one point, instantaneously bended over so he would fall from his slumber. He mumbled something and adjusted his seating so he wouldn't harass me unintentionally. A wicked smile crossed my face. After some time, he excused himself and bended over so I can rest my back on the seat. I was moved and dismissed all unholy things I am planning on him.

pizza and the thereafter

I got to admit. I was having the time of my life when Lander bought 2 boxes of 14-inch yellow cab pizza yester-night after a couple of sets in the bowling alley. There were 6 of us and only 3 are serious pizza-eaters (that includes myself, of course!).

I was engulfing bite after bite of those god-made treat until I consumed 4 slices. I went home filled with delight. I was about to sleep when my tummy was grumbling. I went to the restroom to do my thing and went to sleep at around 1:30 in the morning.

5AM and I woke up sweating profusely and as thirsty as hell itself. I consumed almost a quart of water and readied myself to bed. My sweating didn't stop and my body's not in the mood for sleeping. I went to the bathroom and as expected my tummy wanted relief. So I did my thing again and went back to sleep. I woke up quarter past 8 in the morning and took a bath. But before I turn on the shower there goes my tummy again asking for a third relief. Now, this time my ass was beginning to feel pain for the couple of "reliefs" I did for the past 4 hours. As I sat on the bowl, I was actually muttering some prayer hoping it wouldn't hurt. I took a deep breath and pushed slowly. But as soon as it came out, my God, it hurts like hell! I almost cried in pain. But I survived... Whew!

taking the next step

WHOA! this is neat. cool features we got here, eh? pictures, links, colored fonts, bold fonts, italic fonts, entry formating and even themes. this is awesome!

i'm so getting used with my antediluvian personal blog-site. i was keeping it for more than a year now and i finally decided to, well, take the next step. i'm kinda sad to leave it behind. we'd been such a company and now i have to say goodbye. oh well, 'got to move on.

hmmm... another eon of blogging...