shove up and down

I was lying my back on a flat bench. Legs eagle-spread and bent. Sweat trickled on every corner of my body. I was panting. I shoved up. My face twitched and I felt the weight going down again. I did it again and again until it became a rhythm. Shoved up and down, up and down. I could feel my muscles constrict and expand. It was a good feeling but I knew that sooner my arms would give up. I had to let go. I can't carry it any longer. After a few minutes which seemed like an eternity, my arms trembled. My feet jerked. I'm almost there. I gave it one last shove and let out a grunt. I remained lying on my back while catching my breath. More gush of sweat dripped on every side of my body. I just couldn't believe I did it. I was able to bench press 30 lbs. of pure metal. Yeah, it's not much but it's a big deal for me who, 3 weeks ago, can only do 10 lbs.

Wipe that smirk off your face. hehehehe... Though I wish I was doing that dirty thought you're thinking a few seconds ago. But this post would not indulge on those kind of things.

I tried at some point to exercise. 5 years ago, I remember doing sit-ups. But after counting up to 5 with the greatest of effort, I remained still and went asleep. I never did it again since then. I bought a pair of dumb bells and weights 3 years ago. And all I did with it is to stare at it every morning when I wake up and imagine myself doing the exercise. I was that lazy.

I wouldn't be caught dead going to a gym. This was what I thought at least 2 years ago. But a slow realization that I am not growing any younger changed all that. Weighed with complains of back pains, knee pains, low vigor and a lot more. Roughly 3 months ago, I couldn't keep up with Tisha's grind moves on the dancefloor. My groove would only last an hour! After that I would only be standing and swaying among the crowd. That's horrible, I tell you, considering that during the prime of my teen life, I remembered dancing the whole evening away without even thinking about sitting down.

Then there was this thing about sexual performance. (Okay, I lied. I did talk about sex.) I couldn't do straight sets anymore. After the first round, I would feel really exhausted and would need all my mind power to be able to finish the second set. It used to be a minute of breathing before going to the next round but now it seemed I need at a quarter of an hour before proceeding.

I hope I would do better for the months to come. Wish me luck. teehee

new year! new year!

I had a feeling this is going to be a lucky year for me, aside from the fact that the chinese calendar says so. It said that all those born in the year of the snake will experience good fortunes in year 2006, the year of the dog.

To start with, I made this list. It's a pretty long list to do and buy for this year. It seemed like I'm cramming up for the things to do before 30. I'm gonna be 29 before the last quarter of this year. So, wish me luck!

Things to buy this year:
1) 3 pcs. fluffy pillow
2) electric iron. I always went to Tiya Renia's when I need extra ironing of my clothes.
3) mattress. The old ones need to go.
4) television. A close friend advised me that this would be a good buy to keep my feet on my room and not wonder in ungodly places.
5) computer. Same explanation above.
6) tennis shoes. Tennis practice would start Monday next week. I need to buy it this weekend.
7) running shoes. For gym use. Or maybe I'll decide to start doing some jogging later.
8) sandal/slipper. My second pair cannot be used further.
9) tennis racket. I'm supposed to buy a used one from Marie. But yesterday she told me that she won't be selling it. Bitch! I hope she'll made good of her promise that she's gonna help me find one.
10) second-hand Honda Civic. I always liked the 2000-2001 hunchback type. It's got a sporty look. Selling price was around 200K-250K.
11) 2 pairs of leather shoes. For office use. I never bought new ones for the last 2 years.
12) levi's jeans. Office casual every Friday now includes jeans. I have a good reason to buy.
13) guess jeans. I never liked Guess jeans. But I recently checked their store and they got those nice straight cuts and flares.
14) slacks. I was torn between buying RTW and going to a tailor. Mark suggested that for a lean body type like mine, I'm better off with custom fit. It's a good time to try.
15) golf shirts. I need lots of these. During my younger days, golf shirt is a big no-no. I always go for t-shirts. But now, these would be a good addition to my closet for office and party wear. Age does make a man...different.
16) refrigerator. The same close friend told me that since I'm really good in eating, I should have this. I'm going for personal size for my room.
17) curtain. My room really looked awful. I only got blinds, which is not enough to cover all the windows. They say it would also filter the dust coming to my room.
18) new lens for my glasses. I was drooling for the photochromic lens. I'll buy this next month.
19) cabinet/drawer. For storing all those craps laying on my room.
20) guitar. This could be a wishful item but who knows. I might start doing some guitar session few months from now.

Things to do this year:
1) go to a gym. This I already did. Today is my second day and pain is all over my body.
2) learn to play tennis. My first session would start on the 16th. I'm quite excited.
3) learn to play guitar. I hope my craving would surmount my wishful thinking so I can start this as soon as possible.
4) go jogging. I was considering doing this maybe next quarter. Mactan Air Base would be a good place early in the morning.
5) try hair spa/hot oil/etc. For the first time in my life, I let my hair grew a few inches. I need to try hair grooming while I still have patience for a long hair.
6) get a girlfriend. I got a long list. I'll be dating a chatmate this Saturday, then another one a weekend after that. I hope I can find a good match sooner.
7) go to Tiya Marcelina's grave. I kept on promising myself with this but never had the time last year. I will do my best to materialize it this year.
8) attend religious activities. Lalang invited me a dozen times last year but I always said no. I should try this once in a while. Who knows, I might meet my future bride in one of those sessions.
9) go to mass as often as possible. Going to mass won't be much of a problem to me but I might have problems doing it as often as possible.
10) flourescent lamp in my room. I transferred to my room 10 months ago but until now I still didn't had my lights installed. I'm always busy during weekends. I need to do this before this month ends.
11) learn foreign language. I hope there would be a foreign language class in the company this year so I could sit in and have my lessons for free. Any foreign language will do.
12) travel within Asia or in Palawan. I will certainly do this when #6 will come true. Cambodia and Thailand are on top of my list.
13) bungee jump. I heard there's bungee jumping somewhere in Cagayan. I need to plan this middle of this year.
14) sky jump. When I have an extra 5,000 pesos and will have even a single friend interested, I'll go for this.
15) white water rafting. Cagayan, as people say, has a good course for white water rafting.
16) scuba dive. I got excited when I plan for this. I like to buy my own wet suit and get a license.
17) teach nursery or kindergarten class. This is one of my dreams. The last time I inquired about this was, I think, a couple of years ago. But schools would prefer female teachers. I was hoping an opportunity would come by this year.
18) sleep early. 12 midnight should be considered late in the evening.
19) wait for my demands from my company until 1st quarter only. Otherwise, scour the world for better opportunities.
20) meet a chatmate in Dumanjug. I was planning to meet her there Friday next week or a week after that. I'm already excited. She said that she looks prim and formal but inside she's really aggressive.
21) have somebody lick my ass. Playboy lists it as one of the top fantasies of men specially if the girl is wacking him off at the same time. I hope I can have it for free in Dumanjug.
22) when opportunity comes, never hesitate screwing a married woman. I might go to hell for this. Well, I'm not really planning to break their family or something. All I want is plain screwing around. I got 2 opportunities already. The first time I almost did but my conscience bothered me. The second time I didn't mind her at all.
23) control sexual urges. I remembered sneaking out of the office for this reason, breaking an appointment and leaving a good conversation behind for this reason. I hope I won't do that again.
24) if there's a conflict between the two prior entries, the former must prevail.

It seemed like I already got a good list for the other year to come. hehehe

horny mama

It was my usual ride back to the city. Sleeping while the Vhire was speeding its way along the hiway had been my favorite event. I felt like being swayed in a hammock. There were only 3 of us in a row, which made our seating positions more comfortable. To my left was an elderly woman in her late 40s or early 50s. She looked like a typical mom having an appointment somewhere in the city. We would have been a few inches away from each other but she put her bag on the other side of the car seat. This gave us body contact from the waist down to the thighs. To my right was an elderly man, which was of no concern to me whatsoever. My bag was on my lap while I was listening music with my iPod. Then, I felt really sleepy.

I was completely under the spell of sleep but I occasionally woke up because my elbows would slip down and land on my seatmate's hips. I noticed that the elderly mom was also asleep. She rested her weight on the other side of the van away from me. Then I really dozed off for more than an hour. When I woke up, we were already at Consolacion but I noticed that later. What I noticed first after waking up was that my elbow was now resing on the elderly mom's hips. She was still asleep and was still leaning to the other side. I straightened myself. She woke up maybe perhaps because of my motions. She also straightened herself and did some grooming.

After that she'd become a little weirder. She would glance to my side often. I never glanced back but I could see her from the corner of my eye. She would give me a deep look. It didn't bother me at first until she did it a dozen times. I drove away the thought. Maybe she's just staring the guy in front of me. Then she made that flirtatious bouncing of her hair. She would glance side to side to deliberately make her shoulder-length hair bounce.

The van went straight to Ayala. She was a little panicky. I didn't mind her at all. I checked her fingers and couldn't find a ring. Then the man on my right went out near PLDT Mabolo. I distanced myself to her. It was then that she put her hands, palms down, beside her thighs. When the vehicle made a left turn towards Ayala, she put her hands below my thighs as if it was done by accident. I was dumbfounded. I never moved a muscle. When we're almost near Ayala terminal, I could feel her fingers wriggling under my thighs. It was tickling me and I almost jumped from my seat. She was muttering on where she was and how to go to her destination. I still didn't mind her. When the van stopped in Ayala, I immediately walked out without ever turning my back.

I was not sure if it was an opportunity missed.

holiday of bore

PS2. Food. TV. Sleep. This was my routine during the entire Christmas break. I didn't even get to finish the new book I bought nor did I lit up any sort of firecracker. Well, never again after that fateful incident with my 1-year old nephew.

All in all, it was a bore. But I'm writing it anyway. And now I have nothing else to write.

Hmmmm... There was one time I thought of writing all my manitos and manitas here in Lear for the past 5 years. This maybe a good time to list 'em all.

Year 2000. My first manito was Fabs. I gave him a McJim leather wallet. (Thanks ylan, for the correction.)
Year 2001. Jojo Graciano was my manito. I gave hime a hunting knife.
Year 2002. Gugs was my manita. I gave her an Alanis Morisette original CD.
Year 2003. Christmas was spent in U.S.
Year 2004. Ting was my manita. I gave her a pearl bracelet.
Year 2005. Macelle was my manita after a scheming plot. I gave her a leather belt and an umbrella.

albums

My friends and my manito had been very generous to me. They all gave me original music albums for Christmas. I was excited considering that I never bought a single album this year.


Being a manito to Earl, he gave me Slipknot's latest, The Subliminal Verses.





Mark gave me a Gary Valenciano's Greatest Hits.







Ma'am Elline and Fabs gave me Coldplay's A Rush Of Blood To The Head.







Tag gave me 2 albums! Nirvana's Nevermind and Maroon5's Songs About Jane.









Now, I got 5 reasons to smile this Christmas.

700 for what?

It was a Sunday before the holiday break. It was the loneliest Sunday I can remember so far. It was still 8 in the evening. I already took my dinner and left with nothing else to do. Lapulapu can be such a boring place in situations like this. No decent malls or even coffee shops to hang out. I decided to go to an internet cafe to update my blog.

The internet cafe I was in had enclosed cubicle in all of their stations except for the butt down which is visible to everyone else. But everyone else were inside the cubicle so no one really cared except perhaps those people walking on the aisle looking for vacant stations. As soon as I entered the cubicle, kinky scenes were playing in my head. And the thought of updating this blog had vanished into thin air.

I immediately logged in mIRC. I know. I know. This is quite the "dino-era" chatsite but a lot of people still use this. And I'm surprised that a lot of Bisdaks still visit the #cebu channel and of course, the #cebusex channel. It's still packing up with chatters but mostly were in their early teens. As the night grew less younger, a lot of 20-something chatters joined in. But only one chatter captured my attention.

Joyce. A 19-year old student. She was living in an apartment-type boarding house in "Private" area, in front of South Bus Terminal. She was a tease. We each had our webcam and saw each other's face. She was a real turn-on. Pretty with sumptuous and sexy body. Intelligence didn't matter anymore. I was drooling. The chat went deeper until she asked to see my underwear. I was getting a boner in an instant. Good thing I wore a nice pair of white sports brief, which made the erection less concealing. I stood up, opened my pant's zipper and showed her my undies. Then she asked if she can see my dick. I hesitated for a moment. The picture of my dick all over the internet and people's inboxes didn't look like a good scene at all. She begged and finally, I gave in. I just made sure I won't expose everything all at once. At first, I only showed her the lower half, covering the other half with my hand. Then, I point straight the head towards the cam so she'll only see the head. It lasted for almost a minute. I hate to admit it but it was turning me on. Would that make me an exhibitionist?

I demanded to see her tits but the internet cafe she's in didn't have cubicles. I was already burning. I asked her if I can see her that night. She agreed and said that I have to bring 700 pesos. She's going to meet me in the gasoline station in front of South Bus Terminal. I didn't bother to ask what the 700 pesos was for.

I went home to change clothes. I decided not to bring my wallet. My pocket only contains 7 pieces of 100-peso bills and a few bucks for my fare. I was a bit afraid I would be duped and would end up beaten and a hold-up victim. But I still took my chances. Indeed, she's really gorgeous. I got what I came for.

She led me to her boarding house and to her room. Her roommate was out for the weekend and won't be back until the next day. She asked for the 700 pesos. I gave her the money and understood that she's for hire. She took my shirt off and massaged my crotch. Damn. She was good. I hugged her and grabbed her ass. She let go. She said that I can only touch her tits. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All the time I thought 700 would bring me to heaven that night. I asked if what's the price if it's "all the way". 2,000 was her reply. I told her that 700 was all I got. She said that she can wack me off while I caressed her tits. I agreed but the thrill already subsided.

The end.

backlog

Okay. I owe this site a lot. I haven't been posting for quite sometime. The holidays took most of my time - dance practice, department christmas party and the company's christmas party plus buying gifts for my godchildren, and a lot more. A lot of interesting things had happened back then. I hope I captured all of those in my limited memory bank. Drat! I can't even remember the exact dates. I'll just put a phony date. I might be lucky. The posts from this point onward won't have the accurate date the event happened unless explicitly specified in the post.

change look

I'm not really metrosexual like some of the guys but I want to change image. I always cut my hair really really short. On my previous blogsite, I tried coming up with an English term for semi-opaw: "semi bald, not-so-bald, almost bald, or bald but not there yet". hehehe

I don't look nice in a long hair. That I learned a long long time ago but these days I like to see a different me when standing face to face with a mirror. I also have my goatee and mustache. I wonder how long I can keep this look until I feel despicable.








The red hairband costs me 5 pesos at Opon market. I only wear it though when I'm in my room.

This is how my hair looks when I'm at the office.

crazy? or unwell?

I hate to admit it but some times I get in touch and come face to face with my emotional side. It usually starts with a single event that leads into a ripple effect. All this time I thought I had this figured out. I'll say this for a fact that I'm such a B-I-G moron when it comes to dealing with emotions. Thus, the lag on my entries. At my old blog, it would take me around 3 months to muster the will to write an entry.

Why would things get so complicated when it came to this part? I see things in black and white. Period. But when emotions came into consideration it seemed like there's the whole spectrum of colors to deal with. When would it ever end? It's really that simple to understand but why, oh why, can't I make it stop? I'm no longer wishing, let alone, hoping, but still something is in there that I don't know and it's like making me insane.

One time, I was about to go to sleep when a pang of desolation came over me. There's something I need to do and I don't know what. Or something that I wanted but can't seem to figure out what exactly it is. I ended up banging my head on my pillow 'til my foolishness drove me to sleep.
Well, psychiatric help is just a phone away. hehehe...

side effect no. 2

I need to rest. The antibiotics are not doing me any good. I wonder what will become of me tomorrow.

--------------------o0o--------------------
delete. delete. delete.

Mingbasa kog balik unya giluod man ko...
--------------------o0o--------------------

side effect

It is official. After working 5 years in this company, I'm finally non-billable. Nada. Null. Void. Nil. Nix. Zero. Like a house rat, I'm only good for nothing but stealing for cheese. Or a leech that only lives to suck blood. Or fungi growing carelessly on a strap of a Victorinox watch. (I miss that watch. *sniff*) Well, I couldn't care less. As long as those paychecks keep on coming. My future, you say? To hell with that. I'm living each day like it would be my last... Don't really try to grasp what I'm talking here, okay. I'm having tonsilitis and I think those 500-mg antibiotics are taking its toll on my brain.

drip-drop

I wasn't really thirsty but I drank around half liter of water before I went home yesterday. Big mistake! I got a hyper-active bladder that matched with my voracious stomach. So what happened is that my body would try to secrete it in just a few minutes. But some other times, the liquid, urine, i mean, doesn't come out all at once. It would go out squirt by squirt in a time interval. Yesterday evening was no difference.

After brushing my teeth and doing my pre-sleep chore, I started to feel urinating. The bathroom is about 5 meters away from my room. I've no problem doing it the first time. But then came the second rush, then the third, and the fourth. Until I became sleepy but I can't sleep with urine on my bladder. I lose count on how many times I went to the bathroom that night. I was beginning to get pissed off.

I really don't know what kind of logic came into me(for sure, it wasn't a coherent one). The next thing I know was that I was reaching for the old newspaper I placed on the uninhabited upper deck of my bed. I took out a few pages and placed it above my trash can. I tapped the hollow center such that it will form into a sphere. After doing it, I felt another rush of urine urging for release. I aimed my piss to the concave, thinking that it will just be a few drops and will be absorbed by the paper. A few drops came out followed by another few drops, then a few drops more until I felt that there's more coming. I stopped and folded the newspaper. I really thought that everything was absorbed. But as the newspaper was folded, the piss came out sliding on the folded part and spilled into the floor. Yuck! It was a mess. I almost emptied my half-full alcohol bottle in cleaning the floor.

I hate going dumb. But in trying to appease myself for doing something as stupid as this one, I thought, well, at least it's not as gruesome as puke.

The first thing I did after waking up this morning was to bring my nose close to the floor to check if there was any stinky urine smell lingering around. Good thing there wasn't any.

text bitch

Time: 12:45am
Location: Office going to Mepz2 front gate.
Scene: Text message was received with unknown number. Below is the text conversation verbatim.

unknown #: Hi...Larga nko Manila oct.15 naa n ko work did2i'l be msin u ol,huhu... manawag ra ko. D ko kabalibad kalit2x [long gap] ang offer.. [long gap again] puli ko n BOB sa pinOY BIG BROTHER
(I don't even know who the f*ck Bob is. And even if I do, I'd never give a damn. Heck, I don't even watch the show. Well maybe because I don't have television...)
splat: kinsa man ka?
unknown #: Fanz rako ù?..Pag college..Stephany ako name.U?
splat: mga bayot ra man to ako fans. bayot pod ka? teehee..
(I don't know any bitch named Stephany in college, even in night clubs)
stephany bitch: Girl ko oi.Stil virgn pasad.U
splat: aaa bakakon ka. tanan nako kaila nga girls kay dli na virgin.. ang ako ra 4 kabuok tiya ang akng nailhan nga virgin..
stephany bitch: Kaw gud..Gusto ka ikaw una nako.Para too ka nga virgn pako.U?
splat: lami lagi na.. asa man ta kita??
stephany bitch: Kaw...Unya kaw bahala..Basn imo rako binoangan.U?
splat: kanus-a gud tawn ko nagbinoang ug mga baye.. asa man ka karon?
stephany bitch: Naa ko guadalupe..Sure ka dli ka binoang.8?
splat: ay dli tawn ko makigbinoang uy.
stephany bitch: Bantay bitaw ...
splat: unya nus-a man ta kita?
stephany bitch: Kaw..?Nus-a man imo gusto.U?
splat: inig ka sabado lang. tex lang unya ta
stephany bitch: Asa man?..Basn sakit na..
splat: sakit lang na sa permiro uy. mawala ra na kadugayan. mangita lang ta pension haus dha syudad.
stephany bitch: Na mauwaw jud ko ani..Basn nana ka asawa ha.U?
splat: dli pod ko magbinuang kung nana ko asawa uy.. ayaw lang gud kauwaw..
stephany bitch: Na ..Ambot ani oi.Hot man gud kay ka.U?
splat: wala man ko gihilantan. nanginit na diay ka diha?
(I hope she gets my line)
stephany bitch: Wala man..slep nata oi.U?Nyt2x.Swetsdreamz..
splat: nyt nyt pod. 'wetdream..

I'm gonna screw a bitch tomorrow. Woooheee!!

p.s.
clara:
splat: clara ang imong daliri kay meron HD sa akin.. mangita gyud sa ako name sa fonbuk unya magsend ug empty msg
clara: Haha, mau ba. Grr! Wa nako na lock ako fone. Gimingaw cguro ako fone nmo hehe
splat: wala man ko kadumdom nga nagka sexcapade mi sa imong fon. nakalimot lang tngali ko
clara: Basi nakatulog napud ka wa lang ka kanumdum hehe

videoke at charo's

syndrome

Scene 1.
Last Sunday evening I packed my office uniforms so I could bring it to Tiya Renia's for ironing. I kept on reminding myself to bring the 5 pieces of hot 'bingka' I bought. They tasted really good. I was a bit in a hurried state. When I was about to eat my dinner at Tiya Renia's, I just remembered that I forgot the 'bingka'. I didn't want it to be left till the next day coz it might spoil. I excused myself and headed back home to get those damn 'bingka'.

Scene 2.
After dining and ironing my office uniforms at Tiya Renia's, I went straight home. Later that night, I remembered that I needed to buy hair gel. I planned on going to Rose Pharmacy near Tamiya and then going to a PCI ATM nearby for some money. I needed to pay those damn credit cards. After buying the hair gel, I went straight home. When I was about to sleep, I just remembered that I forgot to withdraw money. I made another plan to do it tomorrow morning.

Scene 3.
I was on my way to MEPZ 2 front gate yesterday when I remembered that I needed to buy mineral water. I went to Rose Pharmacy again near Tamiya. I was heading to the fridge when I noticed the Quaker oats displayed on the rack. Then, I remembered that I planned on buying it sometime ago. So I stopped. Did some checking on the 2 colors of Quaker to see what's the difference. Then, I noticed other oat brands so I checked them out as well. I finally decided to buy the blue-colored Quaker oats. Went straight to the cashier, paid the item, headed outside and boarded a tricycle bound for Merkado. When I reached home, it just occured to me that I was supposed to buy mineral water and all I got is a goddamn Quaker oats. I cursed myself a thousand times, rammed through my drawer to see if I can find something that could hurt my stupid self. Arrrggghhh. I hate being a moron. I wanted to punish myself. I was thinking of banging my head on the wall but it would probably hurt. Then I saw a pair of scissors. I was thinking of bleeding my arm but it might be messy. I can't think of any other way of hurting myself without really getting... uhm hurt in the process. Sounds really crazy, I know.

I know somebody who has this kind of sickness. I call her Clara but in her blog she's called Aneshka. It's more appropriately called Sintclaire Syndrome. Now, I wonder if it is somewhat an early manifestation of Alzheimer's or if I contracted it from Clara, herself. hmmmm...

no cake

My world used to revolve around you. My days began and ended with you. I woshipped you, loved you and gave you all I have. Sometimes I wondered if it was enough. Though I couldn't hug you when you're sad, know that I tried my best to comfort you with the warmest words. I couldn't wipe those tears away but at those moments, I cried with you. When it came to my time and priority, you had always been second to none. But I was not there.

Remember exactly a year ago? I knew I no longer hold your heart. I was doing all I could to win you back. It was futile but I kept on hoping. Remember the cake? The watch? The flowers? The chocolates? The pair of diamond/sapphire earrings? The ankle bracelet? The bath petals? It made me a bit poorer but I wished that somehow it made you a bit happier. I was really having fun picking those choices and thinking if you'd like it. I knew you do. But I was not there.

I tried to imagine how you looked like in your dress when you described it to me. I longed for so much to see you. To see how your eyes glitter and your body giggle when you're excited about something. To see how you stomp your feet when you don't like something. To see how frightened you become when a spider crawled near you. To see how you pout your lips when you want me to do something for you. Those were heaven to me. But sadly I was not there.

There's no cake for today. Just a wish that you'll find what you're looking for. Happy birthday.


*sigh* This is what lack of sleep does to me. It turned me into an emotional dirtbag.

sex, anyone?

We had been textmates since February after I met her in a chat room. For her protection, let me call her D. She's a grade school teacher from Leyte. We had been sending text messages for quite sometime until I got bored and decided not to reply to her anymore. Then last Friday, I tried Globe unlimited text for a day for only 15 pesos. I got no one to 'text' to at that time so I ran through my celphone's phone book and 'texted' all other chatters I met online ages ago. A handful of them replied including D. She hasn't forgotten me at all. My lucky stars might have been well aligned that day because she said that she's on her way to Cebu to drop her parents off at the pier. She also said that she'll be staying for a day at the city and asked me if I'd like to meet her. A big YES was my reply. She stayed at Pacific Tourist Inn at the back of Gaisano Metro-Colon so we decided to meet up inside Gaisano Metro, Saturday 7pm. She showed up but a big disappointment crossed my yearning. She's not what I expected her to be. It's all my fault. I never asked my textmates for their statistics or face description. I thought it would be an insult. But it hit me back right at my face. Darn!

She's a tall lady, about an inch or two taller than me. White fair skin, straightened curly/wavy hair, dressed up like a teenager but she's huge, which explained the excess fat hanging on her pants. She's got pimple holes on her face, I don't know what it's called dermatologically, and she looked like she made a wrong step and fell face down on a bag of cornstarch. She's in her late 30s, I guess, but her excessive make up made her look like in mid 40s. We're not in anyway compatible in body built. She's not my type.

I was hesitating if I'll come to her and introduce myself. My celphone kept on ringing. "Asa na ka?" "Sakit na akong tiil diri ug huwat nimo." "Unsa man magpakita pa ka?" I only replied "Sorry kaayo but I chickened out." I took a jeepney to Ayala. Another message came. "Unsa mana ang chicken out?". I almost burst out into laughter had it not been for the other passengers. They might think I'm crazy. "chicken out = mingtalaw". I know she'll be furious. "Unsa man ka laki or bayot? Makasabot ra ko kung bayot ka." "Ikaw lang ra ba ang reason nganong nagstay ko ug dugay diri." The last message made my heart sober but it's already too late to go back.

ad lib: I met Tisha in Ayala with some guy friend. They look so perfect for a couple.

I had my dinner alone at Ayala and made hundreds of apologies to her. I explained that it's my first time to meet someone and that my knees were literally shaking when I'm about to approach her. I was expecting the worse but she bought my bluff. She said that she's going to the pier for the 10pm boat to Leyte. I went home and realized that I was asking Macelle earlier that day if she's interested in watching a movie with me. She replied that she, Lany and Melany might be going to SM for a last full show. I was using my alternate SIM card and when I swapped my original SIM, messages from Macelle and Lany came in. I couldn't make it anymore for the 9:30 movie. Then I swapped back my alternate SIM. D 'texted' that she's not able to make it for the 10pm boat and was back at the pension house. She asked me one last time if I would be brave enough to meet her that night. I refused. A text message from another chatmate woke me up at around 2:30 in the morning. She was telling me about something and I just replied half awake. Until I finally dozed off.

As early as 7:30 in the morning, my phone rang. It was D. I answered in a very sleepy voice and then she explained to me, like a mother explaining something important to her child, that I don't have to be ashamed or afraid. All she wanted was to meet me. She's not going to harm me or anything. Then she asked me if I can come to the pension house. I said yes. She made sure that I'm fully conscious with my commitment. I couldn't contain my urges so at around 8, I dressed up and headed straight to Pacific Tourist Inn, room 303.

I knocked. "Abli na!", was the reply from the voice inside the room. The door was not locked. There she was in a nightie but still the same make up, and half covered with a blanket. The dark room helped a lot in improving her countenance. Then came the barrage of questions. I answered them as patiently as I could. Then I told her that I needed to take a shower. When I took my clothes off she remarked that I have a sexier body than hers. She asked for my waitsline measurement and I replied, "29". She said that hers is 32.

After the shower, I wore the extra black brief I brought along with me and dug myself inside the bed cover. She mechanically put her big legs around my stomach and fondled my crotch with her thick legs. The weight of her legs around me didn't feel erotic at all so I didn't go into "super bulge". After some dry conversation, she wrapped her arms around me. I felt like a house lizard hugged by a lamp post. Things heated up eventually. All I can say is that she's a good licker. And I'm a bit ticklish when it comes to body licking. If only she can be a little bit mobile. She even offered to lick my ass, which I promptly declined. But all those time, I kept my eyes closed. I was imagining it was Angelina Jolie I'm hugging. It helped a little.

After I took a second shower, got dressed and was about to leave, she asked me how much would I pay for the fare going back to where I came from. I answered around 150. She gave me 200 and I didn't refuse the offer. Then she made more cuddling and kissing with me. When I left the pension house, I felt like a gigolo having successfully served a client. It wasn't that bad after all compared Saturday last weekend, where I have to exhaust myself with 4 rounds of self-induced orgasm to satisfy my urges.

weekends and parties

No, I am not going into an emotional epoch nor into a social withdrawal, or any of that sort, considering my last blog. I was not posting much because I was busy. I was busy planning my life - job offer, residence transfer, new work, new friends, new life. But amidst all that I was busy partying during weekends. For 5 straight weekends I was out there in the night, with friends, bars, lights, beat, bodies colliding, sweat trickling and despite the "cold" (translated as 'rainy') weather, heat was rising everywhere.

5 weekends ago, it was Harry's birthday (Cleng's brother). We went at Cleng's for some food and liquor. For unexplained reason, Auxie got tipsy after we finished a bottle of vodka and gin. She was knocking things out and making fun of herself. I lay down at the couch and she leaned herself across my body. I was not sure if she was teasing me or if it was all out of drunkeness (although I pray it was the former hehe). She kept on telling me, like drunkards do, if I am harmless because she is harmful. She added that anyone who accompany her home must sleep beside her. I could feel my cock jumping out in joy. I wondered if she noticed it. Her back was leaning tight to my stomach. I jokingly replied that I am harmless and she needed not worry because I'm gay. She didn't buy my joke. At those moment, I noticed Anne sitting at the back, observing or more likely, chaperoning if anything kinky would turn up between Auxie and me. I thought to myself, "Don't get jealous, Anne. You'll have your share. And besides your husband's here". I wonder if it was just alcohol or I was really right about Anne. Anyway, nothing happened. Jaylyn wouldn't allow me to accompany Auxie home.

4 weekends ago, I was in a birthday party at Sto. Nino village. It was Jen's (Norman's older sister). There was only a videoke to keep us sane but most importantly there was Johnny Walker (and a black label, i may add). A liter passed by quickly and we thought that was it but then another liter came out. After that there was another one. Halfway through the 3rd bottle, all 5 of us - Norman, Cleng, Anne, Marie and me - decided to go to The Village to see if anything there will amuse us. I sensed intoxication in all 5 us - uncontrollable laughter, extraordinarily loud voices that sometimes turned into outbursts, uncomprehensible exchange of thoughts (which, miracurously, were comprehended by all of us), slurred speech, and, of course, English-speaking conversations. If only I could watch us in a better perspective and sober, I could hurt my stomach laughing. It was already 2 in the morning and we expected all bars to be closed. But The Courtyard, much to our surprise, would close at 4. For 2 hours straight, we were on the dancefloor jumping and shouting more than dancing. Then Anne came close to me and seducingly invited me for a one-on-one dance trip. I gladly accepted the challenge. There were brushing of lips, sly caressing of boobs, butt fondling and lots of hugging. If her husband saw us, I would be dead right there and then. We ended at 3:30 in the morning, argued for an hour if we were to eat burger or noodles or drink coffee and then, holding a beer in plastic cups, throw the contents of it all over us. Smelling beer and cigarette, we went home at around 5 in the morning, no burger or noddles or coffee to sober us down.

3 weekends ago, a Friday night, I found myself in The Courtyard, again. This time it's with Tisha and Mulay. After a cup of coffee at Starbucks, Ayala, we decided to heat up. For the 2nd weekend around, I saw Shosho in The Courtyard with some friends. It was at this moment when it occured to me that I was not as young and as aggressive dancer as I was 10 years ago. I couldn't keep up with Tisha grinding almost all the time. My knees started to waggle after a couple of hours of grinding. I missed my younger self when dancing all day felt like a walk in the park. Tisha was paired back and forth by Mulay and me (she did it with ease and grace) until Mulay met some girl who started to dirty dance with him. So Tisha was left with me. We did ballroom dancing or whatever it's called. I'm not into ballroom. Party ended at 4 in the morning. Hot chocolate at Bo's before heading home. On a Saturday night, I was expecting a long nice sleep but Marie, Cleng and Auxie came home at around 11 in the evening. They dragged me and Norman for a ride. We planned to dine at Formo, a hip new restobar at Banilad Town Center. But when we got there, we felt so underdressed. We're only wearing shorts and shirts while people there are in there party attire. We skipped Formo and headed to Yellow Cab. We went in the parking lot between The Village and NEC with pizza and beer. They planned to go to The Courtyard but I swear to them that I will not be going in there that night over my dead body. So we stayed in the parking lot until we consumed our pizza and beer. We dropped Cleng home and headed to Auxie's place. We decided to have a night in there. Since we were all sober, nothing kinky happened. On Sunday evening, we headed to USC-TC. It was USC founder's day and Anne got a ticket for us for a free dinner. There were mardigras, followed by dancing performances and then by pantomimes. It was already 9 and dinner hadn't been served yet. Damn SVDs. I was dressed up expecting to dine with former instructors and SVD priests. But packed meal was served. We were only given puso, pork barbecue and pansit. Inatay!

2 weekends ago, I thought I would never go disco dancing again. Well, maybe after a month rest. Tisha invited me for a boracay (hard liquor, condensed milk, coffee and probably chocolate powder - mixed and stirred) in her apartment. Brian and Jeffrey were also there and Charo, of course. Brian brought a guitar, which he expertly strung to some alternative music. At 10, Mulay invited us for another dance session at Pump (formerly Jukebox). I was about to say no but Tisha was quite excited about dancing. So I gave my approval. Charo went along. Brian and Jeffrey had to go home. Not much has changed in the interior of Pump, except for the podium, which used to stage local bands, that is now part of the dance floor. Mulay was with some lady friends. Tisha, Charo and me were going wild on the dancefloor. Tisha was all out when it comes to dancing. It was Charo that I still need some coaxing. Maybe if we had consumed a gallon of beer that wouldn't be much of a problem. It was a big responsibility on my part to dirty dance with 2 ladies. I did all I can so that no one would be left out or feel left out. At the same time, I was doing all I can not to be tempted with my urges. I cannot deny the fact that I'm dancing between these ladies. The idea turned me on. However, knowing another fact that they are my friends and a close one for that matter, turned, whatever kinky idea I have, off. We simply needed more alcohol and perhaps some candy. hehehehe. I dubbed Tisha, The Grind Queen, at that night. Though I still need to tell her that. We ended at around 3 in the morning.

Last weekend, we went to Kahayag to chill out with some underground local bands, thank heavens. And what do you know, it was Tisha, Mulay and me, again. I say we were spending weekends prodigally until Tisha goes out of the country for good. Not much happened that night. Went home at around 2am.

rainy season

"Uyab na mi pero dili pa official." Then it rained until it poured. I closed my eyes, grabbed my blanket and hoped sleep will come to me soon but my mind wandered into an abyss. Memories are more haunting as I expect them to be. Then suddenly all songs sounded lamenting even Nirvana. (But if Slipknot or Mudvayne started to sound sad, I better pack up, go and check myself in a psychiatric ward.)

Yes, it hurt terribly but I was getting used to it for the past couple of years. I'm not furious nor am I disappointed. I never planned to retaliate as what most people would do (I presume). I'm sad - no more, no less. I welcomed it when it came knocking on my door. And so shall I let go of it when it wanted to depart. It has never been mine anyway.

It is hard framing a smile on my face when all I want is to be left alone and be miserable. Harder still is that people expect me to act as the usual bastard that I am but never a miserable one, and can't be taken seriously once I started to feel and act as one.

It has been a week now and I survived. My guess is I will survive this for the next few weeks and then for the next few months. Until it will hurt no more.

P.S.
Never in my history of existence did a girl dumped me. (Except Rubylyn, the courtship was as pretentious as GMA's public apology.) It has always been the other way around. I don't know if this one counts. It probably wouldn't. Nobody can dump you if there has never been You all along.

no shit!

I am feeling shitty today, figuratively and literally. 4 consecutive days of pigging out has now started to claim its prize. The Camotes adventure last Saturday and Sunday - where all 7 of us have to eat the food for 12 people. Fabs and Elline's wedding last Monday - where the food just overflows. Then yesterday was my nephew's birthday. I'm surely going to hell with all those foods I overly consumed - but with gusto, of course.

I woke up at around 1:30am today and sprinted my way to the bathroom. Here goes my punishment. Yes, it was a watery loosened bowel. Doesn't the English dictionary have a single term for this? Diarrhea sounds too professional. Something like "igit" in Bisaya. I'll just call it whit, short for wet shit. (No offense to Webster, Oxford and Miriam. This is my blog and there's nothing you can do about it.) I was about to go out of the bathroom but before I can reach the door handle, I can feel the gush of whit urging for an immediate release. I was frantically taking off my shorts and briefs. Before my buns can reach the rim of the bowl, there goes whit streaming like water in a fireman's hose. When I went back to bed, I have a bad feeling I will repeat this performance in a short while. Indeed, I woke up at around 4:30am and did the same thing.

It was around 8:30am, when I finished taking my bath. I'm planning to be here in the office on or before 9:00am. I left the room at around 8:45am, opened the front gate and took about 5 steps when I felt like farting. But it wasn't just a fart. Yes, it was whit! I started to sweat and headed back to my room. I can feel that it went all the way to my briefs. I was trying to be very careful on my walking because I don't want it to ever touch my trousers (Heaven, forbid!). So I looked like a zoombie walking without bending my knee and I still have to climb a few steps. I took off my pants and briefs when I went inside my room and confirmed my hypothesis. If it hadn't been one of my favorite briefs, I would've thrown it away. So, in the corner of my room lays a "soiled" pair of briefs. (I need to wash it this evening.)

Right now, I'm so exhausted and still praying it won't ever happen inside the office.